“It’s scary. Do it anyway.”


Big Zucchini (WAP parody)



There’s some hoers in this house

There’s some hoers in this house

There’s some hoers in this house

There’s some hoers in this house

I’m a gardening freak
Seven days a week
Big zucchini
Make your veggie game WEAK (ahhh)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, you fucking with some big zucchini
Bring a bucket for this crop of this big zucchini
Every recipe you GOT for this big zucchini

Dig it up, farmer, catch a charge
Extra large and extra hard
Put this squash right in your face
Play it like a flute like a flaming bard
Chop it up, I wanna grill it
Use olive oil or you’re gonna kill it
Cut it into cubes, or real thin slices
This zucchini is huge, it’s one of my vices
Grate it all up like your nacho cheese
Hide it in muffins, oh god yes please

I want you to spread that butter thick
Right on this fresh baked sliiiice

Bustin at the seams, I’ll buy ice cream
Put it on the internet, make a meme
Yeah, I will cook it, oh my gosh
Let me tell you what I’m gonna do with this squash

Gobble it, swallow it
Right off the serving tray
Better chew twenty times, that’s what my momma say
I tell you how to cook it, never tell me what I oughta do
I cook this squash better than Bobby Flay

Talk yo shit, bite yo lip
Use a kitchen aid while you’re eating chips
I just might need a brand new appliance
I got zucchinis and these fuckers are giants

So get your fork and your knife
For this big zucchini
You probably shouldn’t tell your wife
About this big zucchini
I’ll sing a song all day long
About this big zucchini
Gonna bang a fucking gong
With this big zucchini

Look, I need a squash noodler, like my friend, Sarah
I need a cream sauce, or a marinara
Not a mushroom sauce, that’s for real pasta
If you fuck that up, you know it will cost ya
Slice it all up, toss it on the Traeger
Makin it fly, just like Chuck Yeager
If we start late, gonna get groggy
If you cook it too long, gonna give to doggy
I don’t wanna spit, Don’t wanna gulp
Don’t wanna gag, Don’t wanna choke
My squash game is magic, zucchini Houdini
It’s never too dry and NEVER too soggy
I grow ‘em like weeds the cops trying to cite me
It’s not that kind of weed, don’t try to excite me woo!

Hey farmer, I’m a squash bitch, and sometimes tomatoes
It’s my gig, you could say I’m a veggie ho
Down on my knees, rootin around in the dirt now
Easy when I was younger, but now it just hurts
But I do the work, veggies are hella fresh
Next to store bought, they ace the test
Big Z stands for Big Zucchini
I could make you fat from constantly feeding ya
If you can’t hang, then that’s a damn shame
If your waistband’s tight, that’s a damn pain
If you show up and ask, “Who’s a veggie queen?”
When stop laughin, I’ma spell my name (ahh)

Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, you fucking with some big zucchini
Bring a bucket for the crop of this big zucchini
Give me everything you got for this big zucchini

Now from the top, never stop
That’s a big zucchini
Now get a bucket for this crop
Of this big zucchini
I’m talking ZIP, ZAP, ZOP
That’s some big zucchini
Macaroni in a POT
With some big zucchini…